So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
