So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
