she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
