I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
