Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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