Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
