If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
