There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
