we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
