So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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