Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
