He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
