your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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