I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
