I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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