the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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