He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
