i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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