Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize