idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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