yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
stop calling my apartment porn island.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
