It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize