the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
