i think my tv is drunk
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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