Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
