I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
