Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
