i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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