Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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