I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
