i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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