I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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