He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
