He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
