You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
