dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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