Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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