tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
