I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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