im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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