I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
