he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize