Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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