We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
