There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
