i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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