So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
