sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
