Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
