Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
