Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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