and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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