Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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