The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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