what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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