I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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