I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
