Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
