I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
