I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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