I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
