I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
