I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i barfeds in our rink
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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