Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize