Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
