So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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