I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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