Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
