hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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