I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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